


Bother Christmas

by radiowrittenheart



Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: (but not really?), Christmas Party, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL, Meeting the Parents, Mutual Pining, Oneshot, Romantic Comedy, lookit these dorks in love during christmastime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 13:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8982433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/pseuds/radiowrittenheart
Summary: Last Christmas, they saved another dimension and made sure the holiday wasn't gone for good. This year, they have to save themselves from a (not-so) little thing called family— and to be quite honest, Sashi almost wishes the holiday was cancelled this time around.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ruff_ethereal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/gifts).



> i yelled at ruff again  
> and i figured they should get some christmas cheer too
> 
> PLUS I MISS MY BBYS
> 
> here you go

“Remind me again why I’m doing this,” Penn said, ruffling his hair in an attempt to do … something with it.

He heard Sashi sigh on the other end of the line _. “Because,”_ she stressed. _“If I have to sit through with one more holiday party where every single one of my relatives ask me if I’ve got a boyfriend, I just might explode,”_

Penn hummed thoughtfully. “Have you tried telling them you’re gay?” he asked.

Sashi snorted. _“Half of my cousins stole that idea. No one believes it anymore,”_

“And why did you decide to elect me with this prestigious position?” Penn practically trilled.

The exasperation in Sashi’s voice was very apparent. _“Well, I was going to ask Boone, but let’s face it, he forgot his own middle name once,”_ Something fell, she swore under her breath. _“So he probably wouldn’t be able to keep up the act.”_

“Yeah,” Penn slightly trailed off. “Either that, or he’d ham it up.”

 _“Ugh,”_ Sashi groaned. _“So you don’t have an issue with being my boyfriend for a few hours?”_

He gave up on his hair. But he did click the tiny button in the corner of his sweater that caused it to light up and play a music box version of ‘Feliz Navidad’. “Not as long as you don’t mind me showing up as myself. Besides, it’s not like it’ll be weird, right? We can sit next to each other and—”

 _“Yeah,”_ she muttered. _“Just sit next to each other, and play along with whatever questions my crazy relatives have for us.”_

“How crazy we talking here?” Penn asked. “Aunt Rose and Uncle Chuck crazy, overbearing or downright psycho?”

 _“Somewhere in the middle of those first two,”_ Sashi replied. There was a clatter in the background of her call, and she took a deep breath. _“I’ll see you at five o'clock, right?”_

“You’re not picking me up?” Penn said, feigning a gasp.

 _“You already got the part, PZ,”_ Sashi retorted— but he could hear the smirk in her voice. _“Don’t push it.”_

There was a soft click as she hung up, and Penn sighed. It was just the night before Christmas Eve, nothing special. It was December 23rd, a Thursday. Not like it was two days before the best day of the year. Another year alone, too.

Well, not technically…

At least he’d be with one of his best friends.

Even if he was going over her house for a very unexpected reason.

“Chin up, Penn,” he told himself. “Next year will be the year they’ll be back.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

The Kobayashi apartment was small enough, but to shove in at least a dozen relatives from each side of the family inside was another story. Just by walking in and waiting in the doorway, Penn felt overwhelmed, picking up the crowded vibe. He didn’t recognize anyone around him— even if they all had traits he recognized. The brown eyes, the lilting accents and he noticed how in harmony everyone was, despite all showing their own distinct characteristics.

Somehow, Sashi had fought her way out of the kitchen and found Penn, awkwardly approaching him.

“Thanks,” she whispered, hoping no one would catch it.

He smiled and winked at her, shrugging off his snow-covered windbreaker. He could have driven, having getting his license a few months back, but when Aunt Rose and Uncle Chuck got him a car … well, a Barbie jeep just wasn’t made for this kind of weather.

The laughter and yelling of younger children was heard from the living room, while adults gossiped and yelled over each other in the kitchen.

“I can see why you needed backup,” Penn muttered. “Nice sweater, by the way,”

Sashi folded her arms and huffed. It was just as ridiculous as the one Penn wore— but instead of his jolly reindeer, she had a silver Christmas tree that was loaded with five different types of glitter.

“My dad made me wear it,” she grumbled. “Blame his family for all of … this,”

“Are you not a fan of Christmas or something?” Penn asked.

Sashi shrugged. “We don’t really celebrate it,”

Penn let out a soft ‘oh’. He stood there awkwardly by the door, with his sidekick by his side, and from somewhere in the apartment, Christmas carols crackled out of a speaker. What he assumed were aunts and uncles eyed him, and for a brief second, he saw the panic on Sashi’s face. Then, she grabbed his hand, smiling and feigning a laugh.

He was probably the only one who could see what a terrible liar she really was...

“Let me rephrase that,” Sashi mumbled. “We don’t celebrate the actual holiday of Christmas, we recognize the underlying meaning of it. The whole getting together with family and giving gifts thing is what we recognize. But the religious meaning? Not so much,”

“Oh,” Penn murmured, eyeing the clearly artificial tree, watching the lights change color every few seconds. “Fine by me!”

Sashi nodded. “Yeah,” she sighed.

It felt awkward holding his hand outside of a life-and-death situation or a simple handshake. They were _actually holding hands_ — fingers intertwined and the whole shebang. And under the watchful eyes of her family, it did look like they were together…

“Ooooh! Sashi’s got a boyfriiiiend!” one of her younger cousins jeered, causing some relatives to laugh.

Penn’s smile could have been written off as awkward, but he seemed to pull it off as casual. “That she does!” he beamed, letting go of her hand and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Oh. Lovely.

Sashi knew she’d blame her flaming-red cheeks — redder than Penn’s hair — on overheating. What with the sweater, and all the hot cocoa she had earlier, and the thermostat being up way too high … yeah, that would be a valid excuse.

“Let’s go check on dinner,” she blurted out, shrugging Penn’s arm off and retrieving his hand to drag him into the kitchen.

If it was possible, the kitchen was even more crowded than the rest of the apartment. Penn wondered if all the relatives stayed the night or left once the festivities were over. He awkwardly waved to a few strangers, before finding himself almost face-to-face with two very familiar faces.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. K,” Penn spoke up, smiling.

Sylvester and Tia almost simultaneously looked up— and they both instantly wore different expressions. It was Mr. Kobayashi who smiled, while Mrs. Kobayashi seemed rather surprised but not unpleasantly so.

“Penn, Merry Christmas,” Sylvester said warmly. “What brings you by?”

Sashi cleared her throat, avoiding eye contact with either of her parents. “I invited him over,” she explained. “You know. Because,” She held up their hands, which instantly registered in both her mother and father’s minds. “Yeah. We’re dating.”

The two teens tried not to quiver under the somewhat intimidating gaze of the Kobayashi parents, but it seemed they didn’t have a thing to worry about. Now both Sylvester and Tia were openly smiling, as they worked with the other adults around them to work on the grand meal of the evening.

“How long have you two been together?” Tia asked, glancing at her daughter. “I would have assumed if my Sashi got a boyfriend, she would have mentioned it earlier,”

“We just became official,” Sashi blurted out.

Her mother and father looked at one another, but didn’t falter in their grins.

Penn’s smile wavered a bit, but he nodded along with the statement. “Yup,” he agreed. “We’ve kinda been together for a month, that’s it. Took her that long to call me her boyfriend, anyway,”

This garnered a laugh from a few of her relatives, and Sashi cleared her throat nervously.

“Is he okay?” an older relative said, with a gruff, almost annoyed voice. “No meat on his bones! Did you bring him here so he can get a figure?”

Sashi paused, then smirked. “He could certainly use it,” she mused. “He’s ninety pounds soaking wet.”

More laughter erupted, and Sashi grinned victoriously. Penn himself even got a laugh out of it, smiling back at her. And at the same time, he couldn’t help but notice, her hands were just as calloused as his, and they almost fit perfectly. He also noticed her nails were done because for all her tomboy attitude, Sashi did take a little pride in her makeup— she had little snowmen on her finely manicured nails. And was that golden glitter eyeliner she had on? It certainly brought out the amber of her brown eyes…

He certainly wasn’t going to deny the fact his best friend was pretty. Especially when she had her hair down, to frame her perfectly angled face— the strong jawline and glowing skin that had a few obscure freckles.

There was nothing wrong with noticing his female best friend’s looks.

Nothing at all.

Someone must have noticed Penn staring at Sashi, because there was an awfully loud “ _oooh_ ” coming from … somewhere. That was enough to get him to tear his gaze away but he still held onto her hand.

That was what couples did, right?

Not like he knew. The only relationship he ever had was half a day long, and the girl had dumped him because someone else on the playground had given her a chocolate bar. It was in the fourth grade, to be fair. Now here he was, sixteen and still single, regardless of the part he was playing this evening.

“Why don’t you kids go open a present or two?” Sylvester spoke up, trying to keep the kitchen from going into chaos.

Sashi nodded, continuing to drag Penn with her. She glanced at him, and sighed.

“Sorry,” she said, her voice barely audible. “You can back out,”

Penn shrugged. “It’s not that bad,” he assured.

He could see the sudden glow in her eyes, the small smile that formed at his words.

“Okay,” Sashi murmured, loosening up on his hand— but just enough to let go of the death grip she previously had.

They had to maneuver around quite a few people; some younger ones on the floor, an elderly woman in a wheelchair, and a group of adults who sat wherever they pleased. It took quite a few minutes before they found a suitable seat on the couch … which was unfortunately rather cramped. Despite being tiny, Sashi did _not_ enjoy being squished. She was right between Penn and the armrest of the couch, and she had a feeling this was what would be the summary of her night.

Cramped, confused and kind of humiliated.

Part of her really did not care for being this close to anyone, but the other half almost enjoyed it. She probably wouldn’t have minded so much if her and Penn hadn’t been doing … whatever it is they were doing.

‘Acting like idiots’ was probably the best description.

God, what had she been thinking?

Maybe she should have just faked a coming out, after all. It certainly wouldn’t have been the truth, not especially when she was kind of enjoying the awkward embrace. Even if it was Penn, who was one of her closest friends. And he was skinny and goofy and just an average nice guy. Nothing extraordinary about him when he was away from his job.

Not that Sashi minded, of course. She liked him just the way he was.

 _Like_. That was all.

She focused on the setting around her. How this Christmas was a little less chaotic than years past. A few of her cousins were already tearing into their presents, the tv was playing some old holiday flick no one could hear over all the chaos and she was sitting there ... trying not to laugh at the fact Penn's sweater had accidentally gone off, playing the melody of a Christmas song.

“You dork,” she muttered, playfully punching him in the arm. “Of course you would have a singing sweater.”

“ _Nothing_ is dorky about Christmas spirit,” Penn proclaimed.

Just as he finished talking, there was a chorus of laughter— and for a second, he thought they were laughing at what he said. It wasn’t until he noticed the fallen expression on Sashi’s face did he realize what they were _really_ laughing about.

A group of younger children were all crowded behind the couch, and one of them held a piece of mistletoe.

This was not in the plan.

Penn yelped, and tried to dwindle it into a feigned cough. Meanwhile, Sashi simply sat there, trying her damndest not to blush _again_.

However, she was just a little bit puzzled when Penn took her hand again and— oh.

He kissed the top of her hand, and winked at her. Loopholes actually did work…

...sometimes.

A few members of the family booed, some chanting _“kiss her”_ while others just laughed. Penn stopped to stammer for only a moment, but his charm took over and he smiled that smile of his, wrapping an arm around Sashi.

“She’s not a fan of PDA,” he said. “Gotta respect the lady’s wishes.”

The booing and chanting faded away, but some relatives were still a little dissatisfied.

“Such a gentleman,” one woman — an aunt, Penn assumed — murmured, with a smile. “You landed a good boy, Sashi.”

Sashi nodded, then mumbled out a _“Yeah”_ as she shifted a little under Penn’s halfway embrace. It wasn’t until some people looked away did he drop his arm, shooting her a comforting smile. She just barely gave a grin back. This was definitely the hardest mission they would ever face.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Of course you just _had_ to bring up politics, Aunt Tamako!”

“You listen someday, Keith! Someday we all learn!”

“For the last time, Grandmama, the apocalypse isn’t coming next year—”

Dinner had been peaceful for a good five minutes before Penn had found himself in the midst of one huge conversation, blurted out in three different languages; English, Japanese and whatever else the rest of Sashi’s relatives spoke. She seemed to tune in on all parts, and from the looks of it, she fired back some pretty decent comebacks.

At least, that was what he assumed when a group of her aunts pretended to pray.

Not that he knew. He was a little too focused on whether to take the traditional meal out of courtesy, or go for the standard turkey someone had been nice enough to bring. All sorts of tables; the main dining room one, the coffee table, some fold ups and even a card table were put next to each other to function as one big seating area for the whole family.

“Leave while you can,” Sashi whispered to him as the table began to clear— just as Penn settled on something to eat.

He sighed as his plate was taken away, but smiled at her. “Nah. I think I’ll stay,”

Sashi looked at him bewildered, and shook her head. “You’re something else, PZ,” she said.

“That’s what they tell me,” Penn retorted, giving a playful wink.

Bestowing that half-smile half-smirk she always seemed to have, Sashi got up and retreated into the kitchen, coming back with two new plates.

“If you didn’t get dinner, we might as well give you dessert,” she mused.

“Heh, yeah.” Penn said. He dug in immediately, diving into the chocolate cream pie and ice cream that was piled on high. “What was your grandma saying anyway? You know, before the whole ‘political apocalypse’ thing that got brought up?”

Sashi rolled her eyes, sitting back down next to Penn. “You don’t wanna know,” she sighed. “She argues with my cousins every year.”

“Sounds exciting,” he playfully shot back.

“It certainly is,” she mused, poking at her own dessert.

They sat there side-by-side, surprisingly content. The music was a little softer, the commotion was dying down a little bit, and outside, snow began to fall once more. It only added further onto the winter wonderland that Middleburg was becoming.

It seemed that ice inside needed to be broken as well.

“So, wait,” Penn hesitated for a moment. “How many cousins do you actually have?”

Sashi shrugged, stabbing at her slice of pie. “We stopped keeping track after fifty,” she admitted. “So obviously, they’re not all here. But the ones that did show up are—” She waved her fork about, gesturing to the few that were sitting in the adjacent living room. “Brittany, Hiro, Kimmy, Lao, Mary, Takashi, Jasmine, Jackie, Angela and Rena.”

Penn nodded, then let out a soft ‘ _huh_ ’. “I knew you came from a big family, but _wow,_ ”

“What about you?” Sashi said, arching an eyebrow. “You don’t really talk about your family much, aside from your parents.”

“There’s … not much to tell,” Penn admitted. “My dad’s parents are dead, and his only sibling is Uncle Chuck. He and Aunt Rose had kids, but they’re all grown up and have their own families now. I’m the youngest child of the whole family. And I don’t have anyone on my mom’s side.”

Sashi arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“She was an orphan,” Penn said. “She doesn’t know anything about her own family, so I might have cousins on her side, but who knows? Typically on Christmas, it was always just me and my parents. And it still kind of is,” He trailed off for only a second, poking at his dessert before bringing back that pep in his tone of voice; “They’ll call me tomorrow night.”

“I’m sorry,” Sashi muttered. “I … I guess I shouldn’t complain about my big family so much.”

Penn smiled, giving a nonchalant shrug. “It’s fine by me,” he said, with a soft laugh. “I can only imagine how overwhelming it can get.”

Sashi managed a tiny smile. “That’s a word for it,”

Almost as if on cue, the wheelchair of her grandmother rattled by. As she rolled by, the elder Kobayashi matriarch muttered something in Japanese that caused Sashi to groan, and Penn to furrow his brow. Sashi shook her head, and ignored her friend’s confusion.

“Pay no mind to her,” Sashi spoke up.

Penn smiled and laughed. “Thanks for inviting me over, Sash,” he said, and then he lowered his voice just enough for them to hear. “It’s always great to spend the holidays with a friend.”

“No problem, Penn,” she murmured.

“Everyone in the living room!” someone yelled.

Sashi bit her lip, and winced. “How good are you at poker?” she asked.

“Never played,” Penn admitted.

“Prepare to have your ass handed to you,” Sashi said, as her entire family rushed by, almost tackling one another to find a spot in the living room. “We get serious about this stuff,” She got up, and headed after the rest of them. “I got Aunt Jade and George on my team!”

Penn sat there for a moment, confused but also amused as well, and eventually rose from his seat, following suit. He found himself a seat on the arm of a recliner, trying to pay attention to the game. But instead, he found himself gazing out the window, glancing at the tree every now and then. It wasn’t exactly Christmas, not yet, but he found himself full of joy. He kept his hand on his MUHU, which hung his belt loop.

All those silly made-for-tv movies about Christmas and friends and family made sense for once.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Sashi had bet away her entire wallet, her great-uncle had coughed up a few hundred dollars and some gold chains, even her brother had given up his beloved video game tower… and it was Grandma Kobayashi who had won the entire pot.

People had left as they lost, farewells were bid, food was snuck out, and the apartment was suddenly not so crowded anymore.

Still, even at this point, Penn stayed. After losing, Sashi had blown off some steam by stomping out in the snow and she had come back to down one too many cups of hot chocolate. She had curled up on the couch … at this point, he wasn’t sure if she willingly cuddled up next to him or just did it to keep up the act.

He was sitting there, slumped to the side, and wincing at the bright television screen. Some of the younger kids were still here, watching an older holiday special while the adults whispered and some even fell asleep.

Sashi stirred a little, and yawned, alerting Penn.

“Sash?” he mumbled.

Sashi groaned a little, rubbing at her eyes. “Yeah?”

Penn glanced at her. “We have work in the morning,”

She mumbled out a swear, then gave an apathetic shrug. “It’s Christmas Eve. Phyllis can’t get too mad at us, right?” The wind whistling picked up outside, and Sashi poked Penn in the side. “Hey. Don’t you even think about walking home in this.”

“Hey,” Penn retorted, almost mocking Sashi’s tired tone of voice. “I could make it. I only live a few blocks away.”

“Nope,” Sashi argued. “If you end up buried in a snowbank and die from frostbite, I’ll never forgive myself,”

“Gee, thanks, Sash,” he chuckled.

She smiled, stretching out before curling up up against the arm of the couch. “Not a problem, PZ,” Sashi replied, suppressing another yawn. “Thanks for pulling through, by the way. I really owe you one. Like, big-time.”

“It was no problem,” Penn assured, snuggling under the blanket he had stolen from a nearby chair.

He had spent a sort-of Christmas with one of his best friends. There was plenty of snow on the ground, and he had another day to look forward to. Just before he also closed his eyes to doze off for the evening, he spoke up one last time.

“Merry Christmas, Sashi,”

He heard her familiar soft chuckle, and she gently kicked him in the side of the leg.  
  
“Merry Christmas, Penn,”

**Author's Note:**

> merry xmas and happy new year, ruff. love ya xx.  
> (and to the rest who are reading, happy holidays to you all as well!!!)
> 
> comments are always appreciated, my friends c:


End file.
